First Contact
by Ashbear
Summary: [Quistis and Seifer] This was a silly little story I thought of one day. It's worth a look if you enjoy strange humor and embarrassing situations. My husband still couldn't believe I did this! Trust me, it’s nothing like anything else I have ever done.


I do not own Final Fantasy or any of the characters. I cannot believe I did this - hangs down head in shame.

**_First Contact _**

"_Quistis Trepe, please report to the bridge – repeat, Quistis Trepe, report to the bridge_." 

With that, the instructor sighed, closing her textbook. She was so tired and didn't feel like being given another assignment right now. Reluctantly she stood up, mumbling under her breath…this was going to be a long night.

Seifer sat in the library when he heard the page for Quistis. "Damn, she has what _I need_," he growled. Hurriedly he grabbed the books on the desk, heading quickly toward the bridge.

When the instructor arrived, she was greeted by Headmaster Cid and Nida.

"Quistis, Nida has to work on his statistic report for a little while. Since you spend so much time up here… Amazingly standing across from Xu, doing basically nothing. (Hey, darn it; she was always there when I went to the bridge) But, you always seem to be here. I thought maybe you could watch the helm for about an hour."

The Headmaster grabbed his copy of Martha Stewart's _Living with a Sorceress Handbook: The Do's and Don'ts of Napkin Folding._ Walking out the door, he called back, "We're doing some repair work on the lift, so you won't be able to get down very easily."

"Yes sir, no problem." Truthfully, the situation wasn't as bad as she first thought. This, in reality, would be simple; with nobody up here to bother her, it might actually be pleasant.

Cid and Nida left Quistis to the bridge. What could possibly go wrong?

* * *

Seifer passed the Headmaster and the pilot on the way up to bridge. They were in such a heated conversation about the 'ethics of breeding salmon' that they didn't notice the lone mysterious, shadowy figure saunter by.

Carefully, Seifer got onto the lift, heading up to the bridge. Reaching the top, he heard the motor stop… completely. Then he saw Quistis standing there and called out for her.

"Oh wonderful, I'm trapped up here with _you_ for an hour…now I _know_ what could go wrong!" Quistis stated with abhorrence in her voice.

Seifer just looked at her, growling, "You got what I_ need_..."

* * *

"Hot dogs… _dogs_? No _dogs_… but they _are _hot." Zell sat, contemplating the meaning of a 'hot dog.'

Selphie plopped down on the chair next to him. She didn't say anything. Just smiled politely and shook her head…for what could one possibly say?

It was then that the PA blasted through the room. **"Oh Hyne, that's repulsive!"**

"Hey," Selphie said turning to Zell. "That sounds like Quistis. Last I heard she was heading up to the bridge. I think the instructor must have accidentally hit the public address system. Wonder if she knows?"

Seifer's voice echoed, **"Just try to touch it. It won't bite!" **

Quistis meekly answered back,** "I can't ...It's just so... _icky."_ **

**"Instructor, it's part of the human body. Don't be scared of it!" **

At this point Zell almost choked on his hot dog. Selphie looked over at him, unable to control her laughing. Around this time, Irvine showed up in the cafeteria with an enormous grin on his face. He _is_ Irvine, remember?

**"Seifer, I just have never touched anybody's before. What if I hurt you?"**

**"You won't hurt me. I touch it every day!"**

By now, the whole cafeteria was hysterical with laughter. The next thing they saw was_ the black streak_ that was Squall Leonhart, running by.

**"Seifer, then just touch it yourself, if you do it every day."**

**"Yes, but I need a mirror and it just hurts so much right now.**** I can't do this, if I can't see myself in a mirror!"**

**"I can't even see it. Boy, how tiny is that damn thing?"**

**"Quistis it is just so small… I can't always find it either. Look around for Diablo's sake and just don't get sick looking for it!"**

Kids cried, teenagers roared, and teachers hid their faces in shame. Nobody could contain his, or her, laughter. The entire Garden was in an uproar. Except for Squall, who was _desperately_ trying to get the elevator lift working again.

Seifer whined in agony,** "Oh God!"**

**"Don't cry like a little baby. It's almost in!"**

Just then, the lift came up with a panicky looking Squall. Quistis and Seifer both turned, baffled at Commander Leonhart's sudden appearance.

"What's your problem _Puberty Boy? _Rinoa try cooking for you again"

"What the hell is going on here? The damn PA has been on!" he screamed at the two.

Quistis looked at him in utter confusion, "Um… well Squall, Seifer needed a book that I had for a class report. I was _supposed_ to return it and forgot, so he came up here to ask me about it."

The commander stood dismayed. This, of course, was the second time he had _ever_ showed emotion. The first being when Rinoa knitted a gunblade cover…but that was _far_ worse. Squall still wasn't buying their story; he stood dumbfounded in silence.

"Then when I was talking to Quistis," continued Seifer, "my contact slid down into the corner of my eye. I couldn't get it out, so Quistis tried for me."

Later that night Zell paid Nida to go up to the bridge and get a recording of the PA. He was last seen selling them to Trepies, and on _eBay_, for $14.95 each.

* * *

**Notes**: Okay bad, _bad_ me. I actually wear contacts, and scarily this is kind of based on a true story. I can't put them in without a mirror, and my husband was grossed out trying to help me get it out of the corner of my eye. Of course, my mother was listening… couldn't figure out what she was laughing at first. Yep, sad isn't it?

**8/9/02:** Well, when I first wrote this it was bad. Okay, it's _still_ _very_ _bad_. I had forgotten about this little story, until the great people at the Seiftis board brought it back to my attention. I must thank each of them, for they are wonderful people. Thank you.

And I must beg of you, don't base any of my writing ability on this one piece!


End file.
